It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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