Screwed.edu
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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