She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
