dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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