So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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