You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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