Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
