he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
