Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize