sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
