I want to walk on stilts...naked
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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