you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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