Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
