that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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