the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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