just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
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