u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
