you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
