the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
