He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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