I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Randomize
