I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
