I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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