The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
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