We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
