You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
