I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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