We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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