She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Watching her eat just hurts me
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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