just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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