He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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