White coat. Heels.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
foreskin is a definite game changer
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
