this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
