White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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