I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
