I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i already hear my dad disowning me
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
