Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
