Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
There was a lot of him and a little penis
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
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I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
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I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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