You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
