Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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