For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
We left the knife in your bed.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
