Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
