you would pick up someone in the library
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
