I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
im six kinds of drunk right now
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
His nipple licking is glorious
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