Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
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Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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