So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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