Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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