I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
