Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
