Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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