I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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