As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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