i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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