Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
