Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
