and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
