I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
