Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
