First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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