i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
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I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
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You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
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