its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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