Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
It's blow job season.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
